"I am a blessed mother of three beautiful living children and a deceased
son since 1993 plus thousands more medical students since 1997. I
started writing these tips as FB page entry since June 29th, 2011. If
you can benefit from these, let's share them with as many parents out
there)
SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no.1 - Strive to
be the best role model to your children. Make them proud of you first
before you can expect them to make you proud. How about asking this
question to your adolescent kids today : ` Have I ever made you proud,
son/daughter?' Reflect on the answer, if you're gonna get one.
SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no.2 - Display your commitment, affection and
love for each other (as parents & couple) for your children to see.
Put on your best smiles the moment you step into the house, no matter
how bad things are at work. Make your home as the sanctuary & heaven
on earth for the kids. Keep it warm & cozy with your prayers and
unconditional love for everyone.
SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 3 - Avoid degrading or talking bad about your spouse
in front of the children. Remember, it is their father/mother you're
complaining about. Don't try to win them over & make them go against
your spouse. That's not win-lose, in fact, it is definitely a
lose-lose!
SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 4 -
Appreciate every single deed and help you received from your children.
Thank them, praise them - loud and clear for everybody to hear. Put on
your best smile while thanking them. You have just made up their day
SURVIVAL
TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 5 - Practice what you preach. But don't
preach every time you talk to the children. It might sound like a good
sermon to you, but to them, it is simply a nag! Don't ever begin your
sentence with ` When I was your age,..'. If you do, just watch their
eyes rolling up & their ears turning deaf.
SURVIVAL
TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 6 - Provide spiritual guide to your children -
they need the framework & structure. Never neglect spirituality in
everything you do. Pray together as much as you could. Read the Quran
and reflect on its meaning. Convince them, spiritual health is as
important (if not more) as physical, mental & emotional health.
SURVIVAL
TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 7 - Apologize for your mistakes and
shortcomings, tho' sorry is the hardest word, esp. for parents. We can
be wrong too. The children need to be reminded that they're being raised
by HUMAN BEINGS, not angels. Try hard not to repeat the mistakes. This
might be the most difficult tip to practise!
SURVIVAL
TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 8 - Allow some space for your adolescents to
make decisions and guide them from there. Trust them. Who else will if
not you, the parent who raised them up! Don't doubt your parenting.
Avoid suffocating them with your over-protectiveness. Let them learn
from their mistakes.
SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no 9
- Introduce your children to your friends/colleagues. Exhibit how much
you appreciate them & proud to be associated with them. Only then
you could expect your kids to introduced their friends to you!
SURVIVAL
TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 10 - Learn about your children's love
languages. Each has a different, dominant type, tho' they might come
from the same womb. Manage the diversity. Adapt the best parenting
method for each of them. Get feedback - that's the only way to improve.
SURVIVAL
TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 11 - Thank Allah everyday for selecting you,
of all the parents in the world, to be THE parent to these beautiful
children. Feel honoured by the privileges of being a parent. Enjoy your
parenthood - despite the hardship, pain, worries and sleepless nights
(not mentioning the big bucks). Cherish your role - show how much you
love being a parent!
SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no.
12 - Treasure your own parents, and let the children realize how much
you love them. Visit their graves (if they are no longer alive) &
tell the children amazing stories about their deceased grandparents. If
they're still alive, allow the children to spend their holidays
together. Allow grandparents to occupy a special place in the children's
hearts & lives.
SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no.
13 - Involve the children in making plans for the family - renovating
the house, buying a new car, selecting gifts etc. Best time to teach
them about family value & traditions. Let them suggest, however
indicate who's the boss. Be fair, sporting and reasonable - this is when
the children learn the rules of the game.
SURVIVAL TIPS
FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 14 - Instill love for books & knowledge into
your children's lives. Hang around in bookshops & never miss the
annual book fair. Being digital natives, introduce them to e-books,
digital readers & tablets. Read together as a family. You're
enriching them with a legacy.
SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS :
Tip no. 15 - Be fair in showing off your affection to each of your
children. Deal with sibling rivalry - do not just ignore it. Make time
to understand the dynamics, address the dissatisfaction, attend to each
complaint. Put yourself in their shoes - they always see things
differently!
SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 16 -
Learn to say NO to your children, esp. on matters of principles. Do not
compromise your values to accommodate their demands. Provide guidance,
framework & structure. They need those to lead a successful &
meaningful future.
SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no.
17 - Avoid calling your children `problematic' - esp when you can't
handle them. Let's rephrase - they are children with `difficulties' -
varying degrees, of course. Some quite trivial, some really massive!
They need your help & assistance. Do not give up or abandon them
now!
SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 18 - Support
each other in your parenting process. Display solidarity, restrain from
open contradiction on parenting styles. Kids tend to be manipulative if
they know you both have disagreement. Single parents, engage others
(family, close friends) to support you. You shouldn't shoulder these
duties alone!
SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 19 -
Instill sense of belonging among your children. Train the young ones to
respect the elder siblings, vice versa. Keep them closely knitted.Treat
them equally, avoid favoritism. Express unconditional love. Everyone
matters & has a special, dedicated place in everybody's heart.
SURVIVAL
TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 20 - Befriend your adolescent kids - if
possible be their best friend . Avoid being their worst enemy. No doubt
parenting adolescents can be most challenging, but they're also facing
the most difficult phase of their lives. Friends are not judgmental,
loyal and keep secrets well, while enemies despise & couldn't stand
one another.Which one is you?
SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS :
Tip no. 21 - Respond appropriately when others complained about your
children's misbehavior/misconduct. Do not take it personally. Do not
stage war or threaten to take legal action against the complainant
before investigating thoroughly. It takes the whole world (not just a
village) to raise a child these days.
SURVIVAL TIPS FOR
PARENTS : Tip no. 22 - Make time to read the Quran together with your
children, especially the adolescents. Ponder on the translation. Help
each other to memorize some parts of the Quran. Each child should have
his/her own Quran (+ translation) hardcopy, besides a mobile phone @
laptop!
SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 23 - Raise
your boys to be caring, thoughtful and responsible men. Never humiliate
them in front of others, esp the siblings. Be a good listener and
mind-reader. Listen to his silence. Read his body languages. Your
teenage boy is sending out a message : SOS, help me survive this rapids
of adolescence! Anybody listening out there?
SURVIVAL
TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 24 - Engage in intellectual discussion with
your spouse - on issues of environment, politics, socio-economics.
Include the children in the discourse, get their opinions. Avoid
gossiping about the neighbours/artists/politicians. Stop quarelling over
petty matters. Enlighten your home with rays of wisdom and virtues.
SURVIVAL
TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 25 - Play with your toddlers ( below five
years) - that was what Saidina Ali ra proposed. Dads, carry them over
your shoulders - give them the chance to see the world from where you
stand. Rasulullah SAW did that to his grandsons. The child psychologists
agreed that is the best way to carry your toddler!
SURVIVAL
TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 26 - Pay attention to your adolescent girl.
She really wanna know whether she inherits your beauty, Mum! She
desperately needs to know whether you think she's pretty and
presentable, Dad! Assure her that in your eyes - she is the most
beautiful and charming. She needs that affirmation to face the world of
fake beauty outside!
SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no.
27 - Discipline your children (esp those between 7-12 years of age)
with love. Sound familiar,eh? How can that be possible? If you really
love them, train your children with discipline, self-restraint and
strong will. Instill consistency and high standard of self-management.
Unfortunately, it all has to start with you first!
SURVIVAL
TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 28 - Watch your children sleeping. See how
innocent and peaceful they are! Thank Allah for trusting you to look
after His beautiful, tender creatures. Promise Allah that you will
seriously take good care of them. Keep to your promise - never ever
forget that!
SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip
no. 29 - Listen to your children. I really mean it. LISTEN to their
stories, laugh at their jokes and answer their questions. Give your
undivided attention if they need you to listen to their worries,
complaints etc. Look into their eyes. Once they're assured that you care
enough for them, they are ready to face ANY challenges out there!
SURVIVAL
TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 30 - Groom your children with good manners -
train them to say`Please', `Thank you', `Excuse me' etc. Teach them the
right body language, facial expression and voice intonation that goes
along with those pleasant words. Explain what rudeness means, make them
aware of social norms & cultural values surrounding them surrounding them.
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